The User Dating Machine
by charredgrass
Summary: Elsa and Anna make a machine that teleports people into Arendelle, and they use it to find a spouse from /r/Frozen. M for suggestive themes and possible future violence.
1. Prologue

Dedicated to and based on /r/Frozen of reddit

This fanfiction is an experiment... blah blah blah I don't own Frozen characters... user fanfiction, I don't own the usernames I use... legal stuff...

Okay, let's get to the story. I'm still used to reddit formatting, so excuse my asterisks and double line breaks.

Signup thread is at redd dot it slash 2d1h4g

* * *

"Where am I?" /u/charredgrass sat up in the pristine white bed.

"You are in Arendelle."

"Arendelle? As in, Frozen?"

"What's Frozen? I'm Princess Anna, this is my sister Elsa."

"Wait, WHAT?" For the first time, /u/charredgrass looked at the women at his bedside. "How did I get here?"

"We brought you here using our new troll magic. It's an experimental device we've developed to teleport people from other time periods! You're the first person it hasn't turned into a pile of slime!"

"What are you using this for, then? Why do you want to teleport people?"

"I'm looking for someone to marry. I can't trust anyone from Arendelle, so I'm, you know, trying things out with people from the machine."

"This is amazing. I can't wait to tell /r/Frozen. /u/cupcakes_please will be able to meet you! Oh, shit..." /u/charredgrass realized he would never be able to get on reddit again.

"It's okay," said Anna, reading his expression of disappointment. "Want to go out with me?"

"Um, I'm not that good at that. Can you use the machine again? Teleport someone else?"

"Yep! We just need _that _to charge up!" She pointed at a large clear crystal that was already filling itself with energy.

"Is there any way to target someone in particular? Because there's someone named /u/cupcakes_please I think you should meet."

"I'll see what we can do..."

* * *

This is going to be a fun ride!


	2. Cupcakes and Orange

I don't really have anything to say here except sign up if you haven't already.

* * *

"Welcome to Arendelle, /u/OrangeFeels! I'm /u/charredgrass. I've already been here for three weeks, and /u/cupcakes_please should be arriving soon."

"This is weird... you've been living in the universe of your favorite movie for three weeks? Can you go back?"

"I _can, _and they can send me to the exact time they took me from, but I don't want to. I like it here. Oh, look, /u/cupcakes_please is here!"

Both /u/OrangeFeels and /u/cupcakes_please were confused and disoriented.

"Come on! I'll show you to the house Elsa and Anna have set up for us. It's nice!"

* * *

"So it's just us living here?"

"For now, yes. More people from /r/Frozen will join us soon, hopefully. It'll be fun! Like some weird Frozen frat!"

"It still feels strange to be here. I mean, look at the castle! It's beautiful!"

"/u/cupcakes_please, you should get cleaned up. Anna will probably want to see you tonight, and the teleporter makes you smell funny."

"Ooh, I can't wait to meet her! Is she as adorable as she is in pictures?"

"And /u/OrangeFeels. You know how Elsa is, she's pretty nervous right now. Anna pressured her to do this, so it might be a day or two until she's ready."

"Okay. I understand."

"They don't want to see you until you formally meet, so is there anything you want me to tell them?"

"Tell Anna I'm excited and ready!"

* * *

I need to introduce a few more users before I can get places with the plot. Reviews are appreciated!


	3. Double Date

"Oh god. Do I look alright?" /u/OrangeFeels obsessively patted down his hair.

"You look fine. /u/cupcakes_please, are you almost ready?"

"Yeah! I'm coming!"

"This is so new to me. I feel like _we _should be picking up our dates, instead of them sending us horse-drawn carriages..."

"You'll be fine, Elsa will love you."

* * *

It was halfway through the dinner double date, and /u/OrangeFeels and Elsa were not doin well. /u/OrangeFeels actively asked her questions about Arendelle and being royalty, but Elsa was still to anxious to open up.

Anna and /u/cupcakes_please, however, had instantly connected. This was also part of the reason for Elsa not being comfortable; Anna and /u/cupcakes_please's cheerful conversation made Elsa and /u/OrangeFeels' silent staring more awkward.

"Well, I'm going to go, I still need to get acquainted with Arendelle..." /u/OrangeFeels rose from his seat. "Good night, Elsa."

"I'll come too!" /u/cupcakes_please jumped out of his seat to join /u/OrangeFeels. "Good night, Anna!"

"Wait!" Anna exclaimed. "Do you want to, um, kiss me good night?"

/u/OrangeFeels, unable to watch /u/cupcakes_please flaunt his success, walked back to the carriage.

* * *

"How did it go?" /u/charredgrass asked the two suitors as they returned.

"Amazing!"

"Maybe a double date wasn't the best idea for our first..."

"You know, Queen Elsa requested it. She's still new to this. I'm surprised Princess Anna was alright, with the Kristoff breakup and all."

"Wait, what _did _ happen with Anna and Kristoff?"

"He dumped her and tried to ask out Elsa. It failed miserably. But enough of that! I need to introduce you to our newest arrivals! /u/M1schK4 and /u/AdultSupervision!"


	4. Kristoff Crawls Back

I feel stupid for not writing this in first person.

* * *

On the second night since /u/OrangeFeels and /u/cupcakes_please's arrival, Anna was out with /u/cupcakes_please for a second date, leaving /u/OrangeFeels alone at home.

"Don't worry," /u/charredgrass assured him, "she just needs some time."

"Is this like the 1884 equivalent of not calling me back?"

"It's only been a day, and Elsa's never done this before. Also, she might want to try things out with /u/M1schK4 soon, since he just arrived."

"She does? When?"

"I don't know. I'm meeting with them later to discuss you and /u/AdultSupervision.

* * *

"So, what do we do?"

"It seems okay to me."

"But it's Hans..." Elsa set the letter from the Prince of the Southern Isles on the table.

"What's the harm in letting him meet /u/AdultSupervision? It's not like they're going to try and kill you. He's a nice guy!"

"I'm fine with it if Anna is, she's the one who was involved with him."

"Wait, what? Oh! Yeah, I'm fine with it."

"Are you alright, Princess Anna? You seem a bit tense."

"I'm fine, just thinking about /u/cupcakes_please..."

"Do you want to talk about it? It's safe, you can trust me and your sister."

"Um... okay... well... I really like /u/cupcakes_please but last night... after our kiss... Kristoff came to me and begged for forgiveness."

"So? What did you do?" Elsa asked eagerly.

"I said maybe. I want ot be with Cupcakes! But I don't know what could happen with Kristoff..."

"If you really want to, you can date both of them," /u/charredgrass suggested.

"I would, but that feels wrong."

"It's fine. I'll check with /u/cupcakes_please, just to make sure."

* * *

"Kristoff came back?!"

"Yeah. She just wants to make sure you're okay with it before she tries things out with him again..."

"Um, of course! Anything she wants is fine."

"Oh, and also, /u/M1schK4, you have a dinner with Elsa tomorrow."

"Yes!"


	5. M1shcK4

The alcohol use is solely for plot purposes.

I also kind of ripped the CupcakesAnna date from an old

* * *

"Can't sleep?"

/u/charredgrass was sitting in the living room of the /r/Frozen house, holding a cup of brown liquid. "Sleeping without my Anna pillow takes adjusting..."

/u/M1schK4 looked at his drink. "Aren't you a bit young for alcohol?"

"Yeah, but nobody here cares..." He knocked back the rest of the drink. "What about you? Why are you up? Nervous?"

"Yes..."

"You just need to remember to take things slow with Elsa. Be patient, and she'll get comfortable. I've been here for two weeks, and Elsa's just started to feel safe around me."

"By the way, why _are _you still here? Why aren't you dating Anna?"

/u/charredgrass shrugged. "It's not really my thing. But I did cuddle with Anna a few days ago when Elsa accidentally started a blizzard in the castle."

* * *

"Good luck, /u/M1schK4. Elsa might be a bit tough, but she'll like you." /u/cupcakes_please watched /u/M1schK4 search through bottles of cologne to find the perfect scent.

"Yeah... I hope so. You're going out with Anna again tonight, right?"

"Yep!"

"Wow, three nights in a row, she must really like you. Have you talked about Kristoff yet?"

"No, but I think it's going to come up tonight."

"What are you going to say?"

"I'm fine with it... mostly. They were kind of close, but Kristoff may have gone to far, asking out Elsa."

* * *

"Where are you taking me tonight?" /u/cupcakes_please asked excitedly.

"The kitchens!"

"Wait, what?"

"You'll see." Anna dragged him through the castle doors and down the stairs. "See that door there?"

"Yeah?"

"There's about ten servants in there. We need to sneak past them to get to the chocolate storage area."

"You have a special area just for chocolate?"

"Elsa locked it there after she found out how much I eat it."

Anna slowly and silently opened the door and crept behind a table. /u/cupcakes_please quickly followed. "Shh..."

They crawled past the servants and into the storage room. It was protected by a wooden door with a lock on it.

"How do we get through?"

Anna punched the door handle, and it broke open. "Like that."

* * *

"Good evening, Queen Elsa."

"There's no need for formalities, this is a date. Call me Elsa."

"Alright, Elsa."

"Much better. Please be seated..." She gestured at the table for two.

* * *

I'd write more, but I sort of have to stop, and I want to publish now.


End file.
